Artless is the fifth episode of the Vacation in Europe sideseason. Part of the European vacation season, it had already aired in many European countries during 1992 before airing in the USA over CBS on 2 October 1993.
The Turtles and Splinter arrive in Florence, Italy, while also watching April's report on the legendary painting "The Last Supper." At the same time, two aliens, Dob and Yikum, are also watching her report and decide that they want the masterpiece themselves - and so the painting vanishes right in the middle of April's report.
While they consider how to recover "The Last Supper," Splinter attempts to educate the Turtles on their namesakes' art, only to see the original Michelangelo's David statue stolen by the two aliens. When they try to intervene, the Turtles are sent flying into the sky and dropped into the river. Fortunately Donatello has a rocket pack that slows their descent enough for them to make it safely to the museum.
Unfortunately, they're confronted by angry museum guards and a mob of people who blame them for the vanishing art. Fortunately, Splinter shows up with the Turtle Van, allowing them to escape. They figure out that the aliens are basing their thefts around April's news reports on the Renaissance masters, and that the next target will be Raphael's frescoes in Rome, specifically "The School of Athens."
They make their way to Rome, where the Turtles infiltrate the Vatican by dressing as monks. Unfortunately the painting is already gone by the time they arrive, and tourists are running from the legendary Sistine Chapel. The Turtles arrive just as the aliens are planning to steal the chapel's ceiling, and Splinter manages to knock April out of the chapel before vanishing.
The Turtles were teleported along with the artwork as well, down into the catacombs. They manage to remain unobtrusive until Michelangelo freaks out at the idea of being in a system of tombs. Upon hearing their names, the aliens mistakenly believe that they are the actual artists, and decide to kidnap the Turtles and bring them back to their galaxy as well. Frozen in place and disarmed, the Turtles try to convince their kidnappers that they aren't artists, but they aren't believed.
Splinter meets up with April once again, this time with a plan to defeat the aliens - doing a fine arts report on the Colosseum. Transporting something so massive causes the stasis field around the Turtles to putter out, and they leap through the energy portal into the Colosseum. Dob and Yikum arrive to reclaim them, but the Turtles arm themselves with gladiatorial weapons.
The machinery finally burns out from trying to transport the Colosseum, and the Turtles drive the aliens into retreat. But they still have the priceless masterpieces, so the Turtles head back down into the catacombs and begin fighting once again.
However, April and Splinter pretend that the masterpieces are actually clever forgeries, by sticking "Made in the Crab Nebula" stickers on them. They convince the aliens to return the "fake" masterpieces, which they do to avoid having anyone know that they fell for such trickery. That night, as the Turtles are eating pizza, they witness an art expert finding one of the stickers on "The Last Supper."
- Leonardo (Cam Clarke)
- Donatello (Barry Gordon)
- Raphael (Hal Rayle)
- Michelangelo (Townsend Coleman)
- Splinter (Peter Renaday)
- April O'Neil (Renae Jacobs)
- Vernon Fenwick (Peter Renaday)
- Dob (Hal Rayle)
- Yikum (Renae Jacobs)
- Italian Policeman (Cam Clarke)
- Tourist (Barry Gordon)
- Marco (?)
- Sistine Chapel
- Trevi Fountain
Home media releases
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Season 7
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Complete Classic Series Collection
- The the second-to-last shot of the episode, Raphael is seen with a sai on his belt and the end of the handle is coloured brown, even though none of the Turtles wore their weapons in the final scene.