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 YOU'RE NOT ON 
 NICKTOONS 
 ANYMORE! 

Some TMNT stuff really isn't for little kids.

Page 1


"My God, John, this has gone far beyond a street fight—"

"—This is total warfare."

Page 2 & 3

Elizabeth O'Neil "Grandstander or not, Burne Thompson wasn't exaggerating about that."

John O'Neil "Beth, get away from there! You'll get yourself killed!"

Beth "I'm getting some great documentation here, John."

Beth "Besides, I'm pretty sure these things are bullet-proof."

John "Bullet-proof?"

John "I think bullets are the least of our worries."

Beth "Yeah..."

"...You might be right."

Beth "Hon, check this out. Have you ever seen that insignia before?"

John "Hm... Can't say that I have—"

John "—Some kind of offshoot to Homeland Security, maybe?"

Beth "I don't know. Hopefully we'll get some answers when we get to TCRI."

John "You mean "if" we get there."

John "We still have to survive our little afternoon jaunt through The War of the Worlds."

John "But if we do, I'll be sure that's one of the first questions I ask ol' Baxter."

John "I'd ask our driver..."

John "...But unfortunately I don't speak binary."

"Infernal monstrosities!"

Page 4

John Bishop "Did you really think we'd simply step aside and give this world to you?"

Bishop "Your claims to this planet are as extinct as we believed your kind to be."

Triceraton A "Hrggll..."

Slash (Bishop) "An oversight my kind will soon rectify."

SNAP

Bishop "I assure you."

THUD

Page 5

Human Soldier "Agent Bishop, look out!"

BRRRTTT

Triceraton B "Aagh!"

Triceraton B "Cowardly Earthlings, I'm going to—"

Bishop "No, creature..."

Slash (B) "...You won't."

FWOKK

Human Soldier "Sir, you really should get back to the command center. All due respect, you're gonna get yourself killed out here."

Bishop "Nonsense, soldier. This is exactly where I want to be—in the thick of the battle for our planet..."

Bishop "...Getting my hands dirty."

"Agent Bishop is a first-class psychopath..."

Page 6

Donatello "...You'd have to be insane to think joining forces with him is a good idea, Father."

Splinter "Respect, Donatello!"

Splinter "One does not speak to his clan master in such a way."

Raphael "Yeah, well, maybe "one" does when he ain't actually in your clan, Father."

Raph "You did everything you could do to make us feel unwelcome, remember? Your way or the highway and all that junk."

Raph "But that's cool, 'cause we got our own clan now."

Raph "So why don't you show Clan Hamato some respect by tellin' us exactly what hell you're up to with those EPF clowns."

Splinter "I may not be your clan master any longer, Raphael, but I am still your father, and you will not speak to me with that tone."

Raph "Clan Master... Father... Sounds like you want your cake and you wanna eat it, too."

Raph "Sorry. That' ain't gonna fly today."

Splinter "Raphael, I recommend that you stand down. Immediately."

Raph "Or what... Dad?"

Leo "Raph!"

Leonardo "Back off, man."

Raph "But—"

Leo "Just stop. We're all as frustrated as you are, but us fighting like this is as crazy as the Foot joining up with the EPF."

Splinter "It is a shame you must resort to physical intervention to control your soldiers."

Splinter "I am disappointed, Leonardo."

Page 7

Leo "These soldiers are my brothers—and your sons, as you just reminded Raph."

Leo "And we would respectfully ask why you've decided to ally yourself with the same group that makes it a habit of trying to kill us, Father."

Splinter "This discussion is over."

Splinter "Chunin, be sure suitable security is in place to protect our guests, then report to me."

Jennika "Hai, Master."

Raph "Protect us, my—"

Foot Ninja "Halt."

Raph "You're really gonna block my way? You Foot punks forget how this normally goes down between us?"

Raph "Need a reminder?"

Leo "Raph!"

Leo "I said, back off."

Raph "Whatever."

Page 8

Leo "Jennika, you can't be okay with this. I know you want to be loyal to Master Splinter, but he's got the Foot Clan on the completely wrong side of this thing."

Leo "You know that, don't you?"

Jenny "I..."

Michelangelo "It's gonna be okay, Jennika."

Jenny "W-What?"

Mikey "No, really—it's okay to doubt Father. It doesn't make you a bad person or anything."

Mikey "I used to think the same thing, but I've got a good friend who's a psychiatrist, and he told me I was worrying for nothing.*"


Mikey "He told me Father's just a normal person, like the rest of us, and normal people make mistakes... Just like he's doing right now."

Mikey "He doesn't get that the Triceratons aren't the bad guys and he's trying to keep us safe and stuff."

Mikey "But he's wrong and it's totally okay for us to think so—"

Mikey "—And it's totally okay for you to help us show him that."

Page 9

Leo "Mikey's right. You're a great chunin and Father's lucky to have you."

Leo "But if you follow him blindly, you're not serving him the way he really needs."

Leo "If you always follow his orders because you think that's the right thing to do, then you fail him when his orders aren't right."

Leo "He needs your help now."

Leo "We need your help."

Leo "I need your help, Jenny."

Jenny "Okay... Hypothetically speaking, maybe Master Splinter has made a pact with Agent Bishop to save the city from the Triceratons."

Jenny "And maybe while the EPF is attacking their main force, Master Splinter will lead a team of Elite Foot soldiers to infiltrate the Triceraton command center."

Jenny "And maybe I'm going to make a chance of guards in a few minutes, leaving this room unsecured. And then, just maybe..."

Raph "Maybe what?"

Jenny "Maybe someone will be able to stop Master Splinter before he kills Commander Zom."

"Why so surprised?"

Page 10

Baxter Stockman "After all, you were an integral component of our ooze research at StockGen prior to your unfortunate stroke."

Baxter "And the very fact that you appear the picture of excellent health now—not to mention your daughter's close company with walking, talking terrapins—should have clued you into the advances I've made since your early retirement, Dr. O'Neil."

John "Please... Just John."

John "And, yes, I've seen with my own eyes how far you've come in your research, Baxter—"

Baxter "Research and development, actually."

John "—I just can't decide if I should be amazed or horrified by what I continue to observe."

Beth "Speaking of horrifying, the fighting in the city has taken a terrible turn."

Beth "We can't thank you enough for sending those vehicles to bring us here, Dr. Stockman."

April O'Neil "He's actually got an entire fleet busy with the evacuation effort, Mom."

John "Really? That's mighty benevolent of you, Baxter."

April "He's not doing it for free, Dad."

Baxter "Am I to be blamed that the city sees the value of the resources I have available to aid it in its time of need?"

Baxter "The name may have changed, but TCRI is no less a for-profit endeavor than StockGen ever was—interplanetary war or no."

Baxter "Now, if you will all excuse me, I have my weekly stockholder call to attend to."

Baxter "Miss O'Neil, I'm confident you'll do your best to make your parents feel at home."

April "Sure, Doctor."

Page 11

John "Is there nothing that man won't do to benefit himself?"

Beth "At least people are getting out of the city safely, John. That's what really matters."

April "So things are really bad out there, huh? How's the store?"

Beth "Well, the store's okay for now. We did have a bit of an episode just before we left, but Casey and his friends took care of it. It..."

Beth "...It wasn't pleasant."

April "Casey?"

John "Yep. That's one stubborn young man—determined to keep our neighborhood safe no matter what."

John "I knew the turtles told you these aliens aren't here maliciously, kiddo, but it sure looked that way when we saw them."

John "Instead of running the glorified shuttle business he's got going, maybe your boss should be spending more time figuring out a way to get the Triceratons out of town so they can pick on someone else instead."

April "Dad... You're a genius!"

April "Sorry, gotta run!"

John "Like mother, like daughter."

Page 12

Leo "Run!"

Raph "Crap!"

Mikey "What are those dudes doing?!"

Mikey "Don't they know we're on their side?"

Leo "It's the fog of war, Mike."

Leo "There's bound to be some friendly fire."

Page 13

Raph "Fog, my turtle butt. Those guys are just shooting at anything that moves right n—"

BLAMM

Leo "Get down!"

Raph "Okay, who the hell's shootin' at us now?"

Donnie "Not at us. Look—"

BLAMM

"—An EPF sniper!"

Triceraton "Hrgk!"

Raph "Oh, man, he's tearin' 'em apart down there."

Leo "Not for long. Come on."

Page 14 & 15

shk shk

Human Sniper A "Gyah! My arm!"

Human Sniper B "What the—"

FWOOMP

Human Sniper B "Command, this is bravo team! We've got bogeys in the nest!"

Human Sniper B "Say again, bogeys in the ne—"

WHOMP

Human Sniper B "Gnff!"

Human Sniper B "Rahh!"

BAM BAM BAM

KRAK

BRRPP BRRPP

CHNK

Human Sniper C "Wha—"

WHAK

Raph "Who's shootin' now, huh, chumps?"

Page 16

BUDDA BUDDA

Mikey "Gah!"

Donnie "You just had to ask, Raph!"

Leo "Take cover!"

Raph "You keep sayin' the obvious, bro!"

Mikey "Okay—we all agree that's totally not friendly fire, right?"

Leo "Yeah. But where the heck are they?"

Donnie "What? April? Is that you?"

"There!"

Donnie "Kinda noisy here, April! You're gonna have to talk louder!"

Leo "Here they come!"

Page 17

Leo "Get ready to fight, guys."

Raph "Again with the obvious, bro."

Mikey "Man, this whole thing's turned into a big, ugly mess."

Donnie "Yeah... It has."

Donnie "But it's not our mess. And it's not the Triceratons' mess or the Foot Clan's mess."

Donnie "This mess belongs to somebody else, and April has a plan for them to clean it up."

Leo "Then we better get moving, fellas."

Raph "Obviously."

Mikey "Heh."

"Victory is inevitable..."

Page 18

Zom "...Thse humans have put up a good fight, but the tide turns in our favor."

Zom "After all, they may be well-trained, but we were born for this."

Zom "Once we have control of this metropolis, they will have no choice but to bargain a truce."

Zom "We will make this our first permanent territory. The first of many."

Zom "And in time, the strongest Earthlings will rule this planet."

Splinter "Perhaps, Commander Zom..."

Page 19

Splinter "...But first you must survive this day."

Leo "And that's why we're here..."

Page 20

Leo "...To make sure that she does, Father."