Some TMNT stuff was always meant for grownups.
Savanto Romero's wife tries to get revenge on the Turtles.
|Mirage Studios Volume 1 > Issue # 42|
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- Major characters: Donatello, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, Splinter, April O'Neil, Casey Jones, Renet, Savanti Juliet
- Other characters: Charlie Forté, Edgar Allan Poe, Bruce Lee, Leonardo Da Vinci, Mae West, Robert E. Howard.
- Cover date: December, 1991
The story opens with a tied-up Casey, refusing to reveal what his captors wish to know. A voice indicates that a truth serum will be administered.
The next few panels cut between cryptozoologist Charlie Forté receiving a series of photos of the Turtles from a mysterious man in black, and Casey spilling his guts about his "extended family" and his childhood. Then, the Charlie scenes are inter-spliced with similar scenes of April O'Neil - also tied up and refusing to talk, but eventually revealing about the Turtles and going in to her childhood. Both Casey and April are administered an amnesiac drug after their sequence of panels.
The man in black provides Charlie with a second set of photographs, this series depicting Foot, T.C.R.I. Alien, Unknown, Triceraton, Leatherhead, and Carnage. Charlie decides to work with this mysterious man, then indicating that the man looks familiar, but due to having researched more into science than literature, he only recognizes him as, potentially, a famous author. The man in black is then revealed to be Edgar Allan Poe.
Meanwhile, the Turtles are at the farmhouse. Leonardo is reading "The Way of the Zen Warrior", Michelangelo is scouring the refrigerator in vain for food, and Raphael is beating Donatello at arm-wrestling. The Turtles ponder the fate of their friends, who left for food hours previously. Klunk lies sleeping on the floor.
Surmising that it may be enemy action that is behind their friends' tardiness, Leonardo suggests that the four of them set out. In the fields, they spot Casey's hockey mask, bloodied. They then come across Casey's car and scattered weapons, as well as April's purse - still filled with cash. Leonardo finds his theory is correct. The Turtles split up.
Raphael is approached by a portly man in a cowboy hat, who complements his sai. The man says that he wishes that he would have known about Raph, as he would have written about him. He then says he has to "blow away" Raph. An angry Raphael swipes the man's arm with his sai, but the man is unharmed. Simply by pointing an index finger at Raph and saying "Bang", he shoots Raphael in the chest. As he passes out, Raph questions the man's identity. He reveals himself after Raphael loses consciousness.
Donatello stands still and attempts to mentally focus on his friends to locate them. His concentration is broken by a feminine voice.
"Hey, Big Boy... Is that a staff in your hand. - or are you just happy to see me?"
Mae West approaches Donatello from the cornstalks, hypnotizing him with her gaze, and kissing him, causing him to pass out. She then laments the "Turtle Spit" she swapped with the ninja.
Leonardo is approached by a bearded man in a robe with a palette and a paintbrush.
"Tires, cars, automobiles, so wonderful, don't you know- given time, I'd have invented them."
"You, I would have dissected" Da Vinci says as he paints a swirl on the Turtle's plastron. The Turtle screams in pain and collapses. Da Vinci then adds "I'd have painted you first, I think."
A mysterious, gauchely dressed woman strolls through a macabre garden full of monstrous bugs, mouth-bearing flowers, disembodied heads, and rosebush-impaled bodies. She contemplates the events that have occurred over the thousands of years of her life, culminating in this night's plot for revenge for her husband,
Splinter, wearing naught but a fundoshi sits in a tree; Poe sits on a nearby branch. The two discuss how Poe's friend Lovecraft resisted whatever events are to follow, and was "cast screaming into Rl'yeh". Splinter notes that he will not resist, and a tearful Poe thanks him.
April and Casey freak out about their kidnapping, although they don't have any clue what happened to them. They spot the Turtles' tracks and Casey's mask (although it is no longer bloodied). Casey dons his mask and is reinvigorated.
Charlie Forté interrogates Splinter, who is tied upside-down. Not receiving the answers he seeks, Forté is angered, but interrupted by the mysterious woman and Poe, who appear from a butt of mystic smoke. The Turtles are revealed to be hanging upside-down as well, and the woman awakens them.
The mysterious woman begins her exposition to the turtles, indicating that she found a spell three-hundred years ago that would allow her to enact her revenge. An angered Poe leaps at the woman to attack her, but is vaporized by her, reducing him to nothing but a smoking skull.
As April and Casey approach the barn in which Splinter and the Turtles are being held, the hostages mock the clearly insane woman. Breaking down in tears, she calls the Turtles monsters, insisting that they have taken her beloved from them. The Turtles haven't a clue who she or her lover are still. The woman explains that her husband was a powerful sorcerer that ruled for centuries over the barbarians with her at his side, until the Turtles and a "hairy, smelly Earth pig" appeared. Leonardo still protests that her identity is unknown to them. This sets the woman off and causes her to transform, yelling
Brandishing each of their weapons (her own nails to mimic Splinter's claws), Juliet sings an indecipherable tune whilst striking each of them in turn with their own weapons. With the blood gained from these strikes, she marks a pattern on Charlie Forté's forehead. Charlie objects to the use of the Turtles and Splinter in this ritual, wishing to use them for his own scientific research. Juliet painfully reminds him who's boss as teverything turns black. Flaming sigils are drawn in the air by Juliet as the ceiling appears to open up into the universe.
April sneaks up behind Juliet as Casey cuts down the Turtles and Splinter from the rafters with a pocket knife. April swipes a hand through part of Juliet's mandala and interrupts the spell however briefly, causing her to turn and blast April in the side with a beam of magic. Juliet then summons a massive wave of goblins.
Casey, Splinter, and the Turtles fight off these hideous beasts as Juliet attempts to complete her time mastery/revenge spell. Proclaiming the Turtles to be "his", an enraged and insane Charlie attacks Splinter with a bite to the arm. Mystic flames burn Juliet's head as she continues her spell; even more goblins spill forth. The noble warriors are falling, soon to be dead, as Juliet's plan nears its conclusion.
Suddenly, a beam of light cascades down through the roof from the sky, bringing with it a frizzle-haired woman in a toga, who commands that Savanti Juliet "STOP!"
Juliet seems to know this woman, and the two supernatural females square off. Regaining consciousness, April uses a piece of lumber to knock Charlie off of Splinter, before she is batted away by a goblin. The goblins begin attacking Charlie as well; he looks toward Savanti Juliet for assistance, and the last of his courage is burned away by seeing her flaming skull.
Savanti Juliet and the woman draw hands toward one another, and the barn explodes. Casey, April, Splinter, and the Turtles find themselves on a hill overlooking the flaming barn, demolishing the last of the goblin horde. The woman explains that she saved them, as she couldn't let any harm come to her good friends. Once again, Leonardo fails to identify this woman, leading her to use a line reminiscent of days past to clue in her friends....
"C'mon dudes, this scene would gag me with its groadiness!"
The Turtles correctly realize that this savior is Renet, and she explains that she is from thousands of years in the future, haven taken over Lord Simultaneous' position, and is currently the Mistress of Time. Renet heals the group and then takes her leave.
Meanwhile, a young couple is making out in the woods, when some noise startles the female of the couple. They are approached by a disfigured and deranged Charlie Forté, burned by the mystic fires of Savanti Juliet, still proclaiming the Turtles to be "his". The closing panel indicates that Charlie is reported as another Bigfoot sighting, ironically making him seen as one of the very cryptids he had studied his entire life.
- Author H.P. Lovecraft is invoked by name by two different other authors (Howard and Poe) who were friends of his in real life. The place Poe indicates that Juliet banished Lovecraft to, "R'lyeh", is a sunken city in Lovecraft's works, and the burial location of the cosmic entity Cthulhu.